They would call it Agent Z. It was an organic pesticide designed to protect our crops from parasitic invasion. But something went wrong. The first outbreak was reported on a sugar farm in Cuba. The workers became lethargic and stopped eating. Their bodies wasted away until a voracious hunger emerged, robbing them of their reason. We didn’t know at the time that they were already dead and that the parasite was controlling them. All we knew was that these infected had begun to attack us, smashing our heads into the ground and fighting over the messy contents.

We feared in our hearts long before our minds could comprehend. Our genetic ingenuity had created something born of fantasy and nightmarish tales told around a campfire. Never in a million years would we have dreamed our advances in technology would give us…zombies. But it didn’t end there. The Agent Z epidemic spread as such horrific tragedies are wont to do. It left in its wake chaos, destruction, and abnormalities. Some of us were immune to the infection, but not in the way we had hoped. But before we could realize the full extent of our transformation something even more terrifying happened. The zombies became sentient.

At first those of us that were immune tried to mount a defense against the zombie horde. We soon discovered that they moved as one unit, focused on a single goal and threw themselves at it until whatever barricades or traps we set were buried under the sheer weight of numbers. With horror we watched as a detachment of 5,000 zombies threw themselves on top of the strategically placed bombs we had set around our fortress. It was then that we knew we had to run. We had to scatter. These zombies knew things you see, things that we didn’t even realize ourselves. 4 months after they became sentient we heard rumors that the zombies had learned how to poison the water. It was how D.C. fell. Mass panic broke out again. Any bottled water that hadn’t been scavenged before was like gold now. 8 months later the supply ran out. No more Aquafina, Desani, or Rocky Mountain. It was all gone.

Sure we could have found fresh sources of water not yet tainted by the Z’s. But that meant venturing outside and braving the horde. No one wanted that.

We figured the end was here. Zombies at our front door and death from dehydration and hunger at our backs. But we were immune you see and having that immunity did things to our bodies. Sensing imminent death we adapted. Some of us developed a thirst for things other than water. What was around us was more than plentiful. Blood. Still the change was different for many. Men that could turn into half beasts began to stalk the night, they could eat anything human, zombie, animal, it didn’t matter. It was survival. As more of us fled from our own people we became remote and isolated. We figured we could outrun the monsters. But even then the change found us. Rumors on the wind whispered of the old nightmares thought only of fantasy. We had thought zombies were fantasy too. But we were wrong. Now the world lay home to banshees, were-creatures, vampires, witches, and so much more.

And now I am one of them. In all this the zombies were a constant threat. As the few remaining pockets of humans were converted into the zombie legion they began to turn their eyes on us, the Immune. We began to go missing. For what or why no one knows. But with the change running wild in our veins, we are ready. I am ready. Come for me and be warned, my teeth are sharp and my tongue sharper, but nothing and I mean nothing is more dangerous than a genetic structure that refuses to die.

When Dustin and I go out on our night time car rides we sometimes like to check out the houses around our neighborhood. We do this so that we can get ideas for when it comes time to buy our own house. One of our biggest concerns, however, is not how big the back yard is going to be or how many bedrooms the house has, no. Our biggest concern is how well can this house hold up against the impending zombie apocalypse.

First we check out the windows and doors. While I do enjoy large glass doors I understand that they don’t hold up well against rampaging zombies. So in order to still get the doors I want I need to think about reinforcing them with steel bars. If they are built in the shape of vines, however, we can still pull off the fancy/pretty look without sacrificing defense. Check out Exhibit A as an example:

Zombie Defense Door

Now that I think, is a good zombie door. Sure they could still smash the glass but in doing so they’d get their arms caught in the design. Then BAM! A chainsaw will take care of those waving limbs. Kinda hard for a zombie to eat your brains with no hands. So at least I know with a door like this we’d have the entrance covered.

Next on our fortification list is the number of stories the house has. I’d prefer a house with at least two stories. Stairs can provide a natural funnel effect great for limiting the number of zombies rushing at you at any given point. If there’s a balcony overlooking the main hall even better! High points are excellent sources of attack. Just think of all the things you could rain down on unsuspecting zombie heads!

Finally, location location location! Ideally, I’d like to have the house at the top of a hill surrounded by a gated wall. Once again having the high ground provides natural benefits. If it’s on a cliff even better! This will help safeguard against multiple attack points. You’ll be highly screwed if the zombie attack you’re in comes with rock climbing zombies though, so let’s hope we don’t get those kind.Rock Climbing Zombie

You never know just when a zombie apocalypse will strike. So remember, the next time you’re out looking for houses, keep these defensive thoughts in mind.

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