When Dustin and I go out on our night time car rides we sometimes like to check out the houses around our neighborhood. We do this so that we can get ideas for when it comes time to buy our own house. One of our biggest concerns, however, is not how big the back yard is going to be or how many bedrooms the house has, no. Our biggest concern is how well can this house hold up against the impending zombie apocalypse.
First we check out the windows and doors. While I do enjoy large glass doors I understand that they don’t hold up well against rampaging zombies. So in order to still get the doors I want I need to think about reinforcing them with steel bars. If they are built in the shape of vines, however, we can still pull off the fancy/pretty look without sacrificing defense. Check out Exhibit A as an example:
Now that I think, is a good zombie door. Sure they could still smash the glass but in doing so they’d get their arms caught in the design. Then BAM! A chainsaw will take care of those waving limbs. Kinda hard for a zombie to eat your brains with no hands. So at least I know with a door like this we’d have the entrance covered.
Next on our fortification list is the number of stories the house has. I’d prefer a house with at least two stories. Stairs can provide a natural funnel effect great for limiting the number of zombies rushing at you at any given point. If there’s a balcony overlooking the main hall even better! High points are excellent sources of attack. Just think of all the things you could rain down on unsuspecting zombie heads!
Finally, location location location! Ideally, I’d like to have the house at the top of a hill surrounded by a gated wall. Once again having the high ground provides natural benefits. If it’s on a cliff even better! This will help safeguard against multiple attack points. You’ll be highly screwed if the zombie attack you’re in comes with rock climbing zombies though, so let’s hope we don’t get those kind.
You never know just when a zombie apocalypse will strike. So remember, the next time you’re out looking for houses, keep these defensive thoughts in mind.
