The DieDie Blog

So I’m staring at the screen trying for the life of me to figure out what the heck to write. Honestly, I’m coming up blank. I’ve no shortage of things that have happened lately, but I’m just not sure who the hell would want to read them. For instance, last week was a fucking nightmare. I had a huge project to do that should have been distributed out to several people. I worked until the late hours of the evening almost every day. And then at the end of the week the person in charge of the project added even more things to it, though still leaving the deadline everything was due for Monday. So on Friday I had plenty to rant about and was going to make that my post. But really who wants to hear a bunch of bitching? There’s been far too much of that going on in the world lately.

So here I am stuck here trying to figure out what’s worthwhile to post. Random news stuff I suppose. This weekend was pretty awesome as we had Dustin’s sister come down and visit with us. She’s fresh out on spring break from college and it was so much fun to have her out here. Amelia and Jessica just seem to have this bond. One pretty amazing example of this was when we were driving around, Dustin and I in front and Jess and Amelia in the back. Suddenly giggles from both the girls start and continue non stop for a while. We asked what was going on back there, and Jess replies that Amelia just started grinning and laughing at her and it was contagious. I don’t think she’s done that with anyone else. And that sort of thing would happen all the time. Amelia absolutely adores her Aunt. While Jess was here we played video games, went to Ashland, had a couple of dinners out, and watch some movies. Overall a fairly relaxing yet packed weekend.

Now that Monday is here though, I’m wondering what this week will bring. Work’s not looking particularly sunny, but that’s just because I update our car sites with all the lovely manufacturer incentives when they come out for the month. Ah yes a long and boring task. I don’t have plans for the weekend and other than a small respite from the Munchkin on Thursday, where our awesome friends Carly and Ryan have agreed to watch Amelia for us so we can watch Alice in Wonderland, not much else is planned.

Ok so now I’m trailing off so I think I’ll close tonight with an awesome video. NSFW but it’ll definitely get your spirits up.

They would call it Agent Z. It was an organic pesticide designed to protect our crops from parasitic invasion. But something went wrong. The first outbreak was reported on a sugar farm in Cuba. The workers became lethargic and stopped eating. Their bodies wasted away until a voracious hunger emerged, robbing them of their reason. We didn’t know at the time that they were already dead and that the parasite was controlling them. All we knew was that these infected had begun to attack us, smashing our heads into the ground and fighting over the messy contents.

We feared in our hearts long before our minds could comprehend. Our genetic ingenuity had created something born of fantasy and nightmarish tales told around a campfire. Never in a million years would we have dreamed our advances in technology would give us…zombies. But it didn’t end there. The Agent Z epidemic spread as such horrific tragedies are wont to do. It left in its wake chaos, destruction, and abnormalities. Some of us were immune to the infection, but not in the way we had hoped. But before we could realize the full extent of our transformation something even more terrifying happened. The zombies became sentient.

At first those of us that were immune tried to mount a defense against the zombie horde. We soon discovered that they moved as one unit, focused on a single goal and threw themselves at it until whatever barricades or traps we set were buried under the sheer weight of numbers. With horror we watched as a detachment of 5,000 zombies threw themselves on top of the strategically placed bombs we had set around our fortress. It was then that we knew we had to run. We had to scatter. These zombies knew things you see, things that we didn’t even realize ourselves. 4 months after they became sentient we heard rumors that the zombies had learned how to poison the water. It was how D.C. fell. Mass panic broke out again. Any bottled water that hadn’t been scavenged before was like gold now. 8 months later the supply ran out. No more Aquafina, Desani, or Rocky Mountain. It was all gone.

Sure we could have found fresh sources of water not yet tainted by the Z’s. But that meant venturing outside and braving the horde. No one wanted that.

We figured the end was here. Zombies at our front door and death from dehydration and hunger at our backs. But we were immune you see and having that immunity did things to our bodies. Sensing imminent death we adapted. Some of us developed a thirst for things other than water. What was around us was more than plentiful. Blood. Still the change was different for many. Men that could turn into half beasts began to stalk the night, they could eat anything human, zombie, animal, it didn’t matter. It was survival. As more of us fled from our own people we became remote and isolated. We figured we could outrun the monsters. But even then the change found us. Rumors on the wind whispered of the old nightmares thought only of fantasy. We had thought zombies were fantasy too. But we were wrong. Now the world lay home to banshees, were-creatures, vampires, witches, and so much more.

And now I am one of them. In all this the zombies were a constant threat. As the few remaining pockets of humans were converted into the zombie legion they began to turn their eyes on us, the Immune. We began to go missing. For what or why no one knows. But with the change running wild in our veins, we are ready. I am ready. Come for me and be warned, my teeth are sharp and my tongue sharper, but nothing and I mean nothing is more dangerous than a genetic structure that refuses to die.

When Dustin and I go out on our night time car rides we sometimes like to check out the houses around our neighborhood. We do this so that we can get ideas for when it comes time to buy our own house. One of our biggest concerns, however, is not how big the back yard is going to be or how many bedrooms the house has, no. Our biggest concern is how well can this house hold up against the impending zombie apocalypse.

First we check out the windows and doors. While I do enjoy large glass doors I understand that they don’t hold up well against rampaging zombies. So in order to still get the doors I want I need to think about reinforcing them with steel bars. If they are built in the shape of vines, however, we can still pull off the fancy/pretty look without sacrificing defense. Check out Exhibit A as an example:

Now that I think, is a good zombie door. Sure they could still smash the glass but in doing so they’d get their arms caught in the design. Then BAM! A chainsaw will take care of those waving limbs. Kinda hard for a zombie to eat your brains with no hands. So at least I know with a door like this we’d have the entrance covered.

Next on our fortification list is the number of stories the house has. I’d prefer a house with at least two stories. Stairs can provide a natural funnel effect great for limiting the number of zombies rushing at you at any given point. If there’s a balcony overlooking the main hall even better! High points are excellent sources of attack. Just think of all the things you could rain down on unsuspecting zombie heads!

Finally, location location location! Ideally, I’d like to have the house at the top of a hill surrounded by a gated wall. Once again having the high ground provides natural benefits. If it’s on a cliff even better! This will help safeguard against multiple attack points. You’ll be highly screwed if the zombie attack you’re in comes with rock climbing zombies though, so let’s hope we don’t get those kind.

You never know just when a zombie apocalypse will strike. So remember, the next time you’re out looking for houses, keep these defensive thoughts in mind.

A random Lawn Gnome has appeared!

Quickly! The person to leave me the best caption comment for this photo gets a batch of my delicious Herbie Sausage Rolls.

Good Luck!

I consider myself to be a rather big vampire buff. I have read all of Anne Rice’s vampire novels. I have written a few vampire characters based off of White Wolf’s Vampire: The Masquerade. And I have played all but the very first Legacy of Kain video games. Not to mention the large amount of vampire movies I have seen, both good and bad. So when I saw a trailer of the first Twilight movie I was intrigued. I went to see it and my face drew up in a half sneer throughout the majority of the movie. I joined the mass of Twilight haters.

“These are not vampires!” I squealed with outrage. “These are sparkly emo fools!” I was pissed off to say the least. I had submerged myself in a world where vampires were cold, calculating killers. Where their years of immortality had molded them into wise and patient hunters. Intelligent yet ruthless individuals who could move humans around like pawns on a chessboard. They would only come out at night as the sun would surely make them…. sparkle??? Maybe it’s just me, but if I saw someone walk out into the sunlight and suddenly start to glitter the first thought through my head would not be “Omgooses! A vampire!” No, it would be more along the lines of this, “Whoa! That guy’s obviously coming out of the closet with some flare. You go girlfriend!”

So that was my general feelings towards the Twilight movie. Now I look around and see the hysteria taking the teenage and not so teenage masses by storm with the release of Twilight 2 New Moon all over again. It’s been interesting to see the rivalries that have come up in this new craze. I’m a big fan of the site My Life Is Average and since the Twilight Fever struck I’ve read snickering comments arise from the Harry Potter section. Stories are told of sordid glares between fan groups and infiltrators on both sides. It’s rather amusing to say the least. I feel like I’m witnessing a Geek Face Off with me giggling in the corner quoting Nicholas Cage, “I want to take his glitter…..off” complete with a glitter taking off hand gesture.

It got me thinking about how silly the rivalry is though. Two sides of the same coin. So where do I stand now? Yes I dislike the Twilight Saga but I’m sure way back when Interview With A Vampire came out it was the same sort of craze. At least I’m thankful that the masses are latching on to vampires again instead of some teeny pop star slut. I’m still sad that the vampires in this movie were just as feeble as the vampires say in Underworld. Ooh we have shiny guns pew pew pew! Unless we’re 1000 years old then we might have some strength. Bah!! I caught myself actually rooting for the Lycans in that one.

And that brings me to the other vampire movies.

The Blade Trinity: I liked the first one til the very end. Explody vampire bubble boy just didn’t do it for me as a conclusion. The second one however, will always be my personal favorite. There was the Elder intrigue, they didn’t sit around and whine about who they could or could not date. No! They had a plan! Lets get together and figure out how to make our race invulnerable! And then experiment! Yes!! That’s how I envision my vampires to act. The third one? Ugh.. seriously? That was Dracula? Some Predator looking guy without the skills? Why would he be running around leading Blade on with a friggen baby? Yeah, I could go on and on about the travesties in that one.

30 Days of Night: I avoided this one at all costs. I had heard some rumors that it was just a bad gore fest vampire film. I’m not really fond of those movies that portray vampires with no mental prowess and just blood thirsty animals.. yes John Carpenter I’m talking to you. So I did not see this in theaters. I had forgotten about it til one of my good friends said it was actually pretty good. What the hell I thought lets give it a go. OMGOOSES! I had seriously underestimated this movie. It was vicious and gory yes, but it was also filled with vampires that had a calculated plan. They knew what they were doing and it worked beautifully! I will rename this 30 Days of Awesome.

There are more that I could go on and on about. So I will just give a few more blurts to the ones I liked. Shadow of a Vampire was unique as it was creepy. Willem Dafoe is excellent in this movie. Underworld 3 Rise of the Lycans is much much better than the previous 2. Interview With A Vampire is still by far one of my favorites and even though I hated how they butchered Anne’s book Queen of the Damned, the soundtrack for that movie was amazing. I’m working on watching another vampire flick called Let the Right One In. Unfortunately it’s subtitled and while I don’t mind reading subtitles at all, its rather difficult to do with a 4 month old. Lets not forget the classics though, Nosferatu and Dracula both awesome by all accounts. But those are the standard horror vamps. I prefer my free thinking devious blood suckers any day.

So lets recap and pull this full circle back to the Twilight Craze. It’s all about a seemingly hot elf like vampire that struggles to be a vegetarian and deal with his dating woes. Sparkles or no it has successfully divided people into rooting for either the vampire side or the wolf boy side. I’ve been told they aren’t actually lycans but spirit wolves or something? Whatever they will be deemed lycans to me. So we have three giant factions Vampires, Lycans, and Harry Potter. I don’t know about you guys but I deem this a win for geeks everywhere.

P.S. Lestat would still kick the shit out of all of them!

This past Friday was one of my friends last days of work. We work together and the department had decided to throw a potluck for her. With my Florida Mum and Amelia in tow, I left the house and made it the short drive to Lithia headquarters. We went in, chatted up my coworkers and friends that missed seeing me, introduced my F. Mum, partook of the food and of course wished Carly well on her last day at Lithia. She’ll be starting as a paralegal on Monday.

Everything was pretty mellow and a lot of oh’s and ah’s went around the room for Amelia. Her big smile just about melts anyone’s heart. No joke. We are constantly getting stopped on the street or in stores so people can talk to her and comment on how awesome she is, big ego booster for sure. Yeah, that’s my kid, friggen adorable ain’t she? But I digress.

While I left my F. Mum to mingle with my coworkers, Carly’s boyfriend Ryan asked if we were doing anything that night. I had no plans set up and suddenly the thought of drunken Rock Band antics popped into my head. A party I suggested! With that simple phrase a wild fire was ignited. More so in the form of me running around all giddy like inviting our usual posse to come over. I hit up Jake and his finance Kay, they were in. I hit up my cube buddy Venom (no not his real name). I pestered the shit out of Michael for good reason. Every time I’ve had a party and invited him over, there’s always been some excuse as to why he couldn’t go. So why would I continue to ask him? Well, there was a time before that he would come to my parties. But money got tight and things at home got stressful. I can understand that. But I asked him none the less. Personally, I think the real reason he came was to continue talking to my F. Mum. I knew those two would get along.

So already I was getting a lot of excited yes’s. Which in turn excited me. I talked to Carly about possible games to play. She’d recently introduced me to Yahtzee so that was definitely on the docket plus we had our trusty Rock Band game as well as others for the Xbox. Everything was looking good.

After work F. Mum and I headed out to various stores to get the necessary supplies. Our first stop was of course the liquor store. We picked up Captain Morgan, Tequila Rose and Jose Quirvo. After that we stopped to pick up a blender and some strawberries for a homemade Margarita mix. We drove home and I added the extra bottles to my collection of alcohol which included Smirnoff Vodka, Triple Sec and a left over half bottle of rum. I had a pretty hefty stash and that didn’t include the alcohol that my guests would be bringing.

F. Mum set to work on the Margarita mix and Dustin and I cleaned up the house a bit. Amelia was doing a good job of letting us do our thing. All was set for a good ole time. It wasn’t long before my peeps started to arrive. Carly, Ryan, Jake, and Kay made it first. It was time to break out the Yahtzee!

I swear to the Powers that Be, that in between getting us shots and mixing kick ass Kamakazi drinks, Ryan managed to pull off not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Yahtzees! This man was insane! The whole room was in an uproar and with that we said screw the game there’s no way we’re winning after all that craziness. And by that time most of us barring the designated drivers and babysitter aka Carly, Jake and Dustin were three sheets to the wind. So in our drunken state there had to be another game to play. It gets a little fuzzy here but I’m assuming Dustin put in Rock Band. I can’t be sure but I do know the room was suddenly filled with music and the rocking out commenced.

In mid rock out mode there came a knock on the door and I jubilantly cried out, “MICHAEL’S HERE!!!” And then in walked Venom. Promptly I apologized and renditioned him with a “VENOM!!” But alas the hurt was done. He stayed though and partook of the now roaring drunk singers and players. It wasn’t long after that, that Michael and his wife Sandy showed up. My guest list was complete!

By now my F. Mum was already long gone. A lonely Tequila Rose bottle stood empty on the counter and the Jose was desperately trying to defend it’s last quarter bottle of life. Immediately she and Sandy were outside smoking and talking about anything and everything while Michael rocked out on the microphone. I took a break from all the action and decided to hop outside and see how everyone was doing out there. I don’t remember the conversation, but I do remember my F. Mum casually pouring her drink down my shirt. Whoops! She stated with a smirk. Back in the house I went.

Things tend to get a bit more blurry after that. I remember obnoxiously singing Welcome Home even though I wasn’t on the mic. And then some Timmy song when it was my turn. I didn’t know it but ended up cracking everyone up by singing the Timmy part like Timmah from South Park. Even Rock Band thought I did good.

I vaguely recall dancing with Kay and her stating that Jake was her pole. Interesting looks were exchanged there I can assure you. Then as all things must it was time to wind down. Venom left to meet some buddies at a bar. Sandy and Michael took off shortly after though not without a very drunk Michael playing ninja and hiding out in my front yard. To see his drunken butt scurry from the shrubbery to the street and dart past their car was hilarious. Sandy had to reel him in. Carly and Ryan took off followed lastly by Jake and Kay.

It was 3am.

Now I have to thank my honey Dustin for being the responsible one and taking care of Amelia the whole time. As I learned the next day she was pretty good. Only cried once when she was woken up by our particularly loud singing. But after she came out with Dustin and met everyone my awesome daughter promptly passed out with her Daddy. After about an hour nap Dustin came out and played some hardcore guitar chords for us on Rock Band. So I’m glad he got to get some fun in as well.

My thanks also goes out to Kay for bringing me a birthday cake and a pretty cool necklace of the moon phases. Sandy also brought me a present. I got a journal hand made out of recycled paper by Sandy herself.

So thank you everyone that came out and I look forward to this weekends up-coming post birthday Halloween party!

Here’s a few pics of that night.

Aloha!

Welcome to the first installment of what I hope to be a long and witty rendition of my life experiences. First of all, introductions need to be made. My name is Diane though at lot of my online friends refer to me as DieDie. Cute nickname picked up 11 or so years ago. Hence, the name of this blog. So, sorry to burst the bubble of those looking to find a blog about killing people. I know I know, the title is misleading. Stick around though, you might find something interesting enough to keep you here.

I’ve recently given birth to a beautiful baby girl named Amelia and I live with her and my future husband Dustin. It’s so strange to me that I’ve become a mother. In all my whimsical dreams I’d never really thought I’d be a Mom. Oh, I had tried with an ex boyfriend before to no avail and had since given up the idea. But, then the Powers That Be decided to spring me with… well an off-spring.

Dustin and I weren’t exactly dating then. The feelings were beginning to develop and after hanging out for months as friends had turned into something more substantial. Who would have thought that a failed condom on my birthday would result in such a wonderful outcome. Granted I was completely scared out of my wits at first, as was he. But having talked it out and come to the conclusion that we did indeed like each other more than friends, we decided to give parenting a go. I can honestly say that to this day I have no regrets. Not your traditional love story no, but who wants a standard story when happenstance  is so much more entertaining?  I can just see the look on my daughter’s face when I tell her, “No we didn’t meet on some romantic European cruise, your Father and I were just fooling around like two promiscuous bunnies. You’re living proof that condoms aren’t 100% foolproof. Maybe we should have double wrapped.” … yeah that’d go over well. I think I need to start working on my romantic cruise story before it’s too late. That at least is a mini version of my journey into parenthood. We’ll be visiting this topic repeatedly in future posts I’m sure.

Work-wise I’m all over the place. I started off busting tables at George Webbs when I was 16 and I’ve since found myself as a roofer, a pantry cook, a customer service representative, a sales lead, a provisioning and completion representative, and now as a graphic artist for Lithia Motors Inc. Basically, I’m a Jack of all trades.

I’m a quick learner, yet scared that I’m a complete failure. A lack of self confidence can be a wicked downer believe me. It’s stopped me from giving writing a serious go. I believe I have some talent. I’ve been participating on a vampire writing board for some time now, well over 11 years. I’ve been told I write the best villain characters there and that is a big ego booster. It’s produced a deep desire in me to write a book with some of those characters yet I always end up chickening out. So here I am with my first baby steps. If I can keep up a blog then I’ll be in the correct mental state to write seriously. I figure a regiment of posting will allow me to get into a habit which can eventually transition into a work schedule. We’ll see how this goes.

So be prepared to delve into my strange psyche. I’ll likely have random topics involving friends, family, video games, parenting, relationships, cooking, news articles, and anything else that piques my fancy.

This is DieDie and welcome to my blog.

Oh and PS. Only Muppets Will Judge Me.